True confessions time.
I’ve been dealing with a lot of FEAR lately. It’s been stressing out my capacitors and bringing me down. It’s causing stress-induced eczema, anxiety, self-doubt, general moodiness, muscle clenchiness, and sleep-deprivation. A true mess.
What’s all that fear about? My goodness, is there a tiger stalking me?
Nope. It’s all about me stepping into something new. Something that feels HUGE for me. I just created a brand new class. I’m claiming I can teach something. And not just any old something. It’s my new Process AND Product class. I’m claiming that I can teach something that I truly feel is life-changing and life-expanding. This isn’t a class that I’ve taken, that somebody else already created. Nobody taught me how to teach it. I put the pieces together myself out of years of education and experience, and now I’m going to teach it. Simply because it FEELS right, like it’s what I need to do.
Okay, so I feel that way, but what does my thinking mind have to say about it? “Hell no.”
My thoughts are doing their utmost to get me to run far far away in the most opposite possible direction!
That’s where the fear is. That’s where the stress is.
It’s not in the big new thing that my inner wisdom, my intuition created that asks me to step into my own power and be seen there.
It’s in the thoughts of my inner critic – AKA: “Mr. Judgy”. It’s in Mr. Judgy’s Resistance to the new, to being seen. It’s in what Mr. Judgy perceives as risky and downright dangerous. So he’s screaming, “you can’t do this!” “you don’t know anything” “you’re going to fail!” “who do you think you are, anyway?!”, etc, etc.
The same thing happens while practicing intuitive painting. You follow your brush, your intuition to bring about your truest, most authentic expression in that moment. Your painting says orange, here, and you go to get orange and put it there, and Mr. Judgy starts yelling at you “that’s TOO MUCH orange” “you’ll ruin it!” “you don’t know what you’re doing!” “shouldn’t you really learn more about how to make a painting look good before you even try to put color on paper again?” and worse.
And by ignoring that voice while painting, by ignoring that fear that holds you back, and by tuning back into that intuitive prompting, you find that it’s not just about the painting. You discover that you’ve been building that muscle so you can expand your life too! You’re learning to trust yourself, to trust your innate wisdom.
Oh, and I’ve gone ahead and ignored Mr. Judgy started teaching that class anyway. And you know what? It’s AWESOME! And my fear symptoms? Gone.
(I don’t know who said this, but it sure rings true.)